Resilience – What To Do When Life Knocks You Down

What Is Resilience, Do You Have It, And How Can You Get It?

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“Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and the responsibility to pick yourself up.” 

Mary Holloway

Resilience is that indefinable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back at least as strong as before, and quite possibility better, stronger.

A large portion of the population is likely at any given time immersed in what could be considered a life altering experience. How we respond to it defines us as a person.

We encounter something that shocks us and knocks us down; takes us to our knees and overpowers us. We are left with a feeling of disbelief, a wave of grief, or seismic depression. How can we move forward when we are filled with doubt and despair?

It does not matter what event it may be. There is no need to put a name to it. Life is full of such experiences, and there seems to be more of them every day in this crazy world we live in. Each of us will, at some point, be overwhelmed by mind-numbing pain or hardship. Each of us will respond differently, and what we feel is the best we can do at the time. Some of us may choose to accept a new normal and not be able to move on. Others will not accept that and will fight back and be stronger as a result because of their resilience.

Resilience is not a superhuman ability. It is hard work and requires a sustained effort. The length of time needed to get to a new normal will vary, and be different for each person. Your mental outlook before this experience will help determine how you handle your adjustment, and the length of time required.

The type of person you were, and how you responded to any event, good or bad, will affect how you handle your response now. People who previously had a positive outlook and optimistic attitude should have an easier adjustment. If you can self regulate your emotions, control any powerful feelings, and impulsive responses, it will help you lower the level of stress you experience.

If you were a positive person previously with confidence in your abilities, that would help you to plan for what needs to be accomplished to be able to move forward. Your problem-solving and communication skills are important and will help you adapt to what may be an altered new life.

Part of being resilient is maintaining your connections with your support group; the people you turn to in times of need. You can turn to your close family members and friends, as well as any groups you are part of such as a church or social group.

It is essential to accept that change is part of life. Life is a continually evolving event, and includes good and bad. It may be difficult to accept the changes that result in a significant shift in your everyday life.

It may not be easy to accept what happened, and it may appear to be insurmountable, something you cannot handle. It is imperative to look beyond what happened to the possibility of the future, the potential for the pain to ease, emotions to calm, and healing to occur. Look for small improvements and focus on them and look for additional ways to move forward.

Goals are a part of life, big or little they are important. They were important to you before, and they are even more important after a negative, life changing event. They should always be an important part of your life.

We learn the most about ourselves in moments of stress and negativity. Like it or not, when we experience challenging events, we are faced with difficult decisions. Decisions we thought we would never have to make. Our perspective changes. We gain a sense of purpose and confidence we may not have had before. We place more value in our relationships and appreciate the value of how we spend our time.

As with everything in life it is so important to maintain a hopeful outlook and keep everything in perspective. Visualize what you want to achieve, focus on the positive, and do not dwell on the fear and negativity.

Always be aware of your attitude and include taking care of yourself. Feed your body and mind with a healthy diet and exercise your body to maintain your energy. It can be helpful to write about your feelings when you have experienced stressful events or to practice a soothing activity such as yoga or meditation.

If you feel overwhelmed and are finding it difficult to find your way out of the trauma, look for help. Find a support group, or talk to a professional, to help you move forward.

Life is a journey, and it is full of ups and downs, with some unexpected obstacles along the way. It is good to have a plan for what you want to do on your journey. It is also good to understand that there may be a fork in the road, or an unexpected cliff, where we have to take a different path. We should plan and be prepared for those too.

 “There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who do not. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

– José N. Harris

As always, thank you for reading my blog. Have a great day.

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do – Is It Time To Move Forward Or Time To Stay In Place?

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You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward, just take the first step.

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I feel like crap today. I can’t move forward. I don’t feel like doing anything but feel I have to. You know those days when you wake up in the morning and you feel okay but once you get to work you don’t. You feel stuck. You’re there, you want to go home, but there is a meeting or a class or something you really need to work on.

What the heck should you do. Power through or throw in the hat? Head to the bathroom and barf or just suck it up.

My option is usually just suck it up. Once I get moving I’m okay. It may not be pleasant and I may not be glowing with contentment but I get the job done.

My feeling totally yucky today has led me to writing this post. I was just poking around trying to decide what to write about and decided to look at some quotes. I wanted to move forward and I took that first step and here I am.

My analogy could easily apply to other situations of “What to do when you don’t know what to do”.

In my case it was making a decision to either be a slug or to actually do something and in this case it was what to write today. It could easily have been about something else.

Sometimes we just get overwhelmed, tired or just feel yucky. Maybe I should have taken a mental health day.

We all have hurdles, some are small and some are much larger. You may have come to a stalemate, a huge hurdle in your life that is overwhelming and requires a big potentially life changing decision.

You can use the same techniques in all situations. It is good to practice them all the time so they become part of your everyday life. Make them habits.

What can you do to keep moving forward?

• Depending on your situation you may not be able to figure it out quickly. It won’t be an overnight decision. Life throws us some interesting curves sometimes. Take some time knowing you may be unhappy or uncomfortable until you can come to a decision.

• If you have a “smaller” less significant problem you will still need to take a little time to understand why you are stuck. For instance take that mental health day and use it to rest and refuel. Access what was wrong and then refocus so you can move forward.

• Make a decision on what to do but keep it simple. This will make it easier to take a first step. Don’t overthink it and don’t make it too complicated. Take that first step, evaluate the result and then use what you learned from the first step. Keep moving and do it again. .

• Smile. Smiling is the easiest, simplest thing you can do to feel better and boost your confidence. Smiling can change your whole perspective and make everything easier.

• Look for ways to relax that you usually don’t take the time for. When you go to lunch leave your phone behind, go for a walk or actually talk to someone face to face and do not talk about work. Talk about sports, a great movie or a book you are reading. Hopefully, you do those things as a hobby. If not, consider doing them for your well being. It is important to do things that relax you, give you energy and help you to look at your life in a new, fresh way.

• When you are faced with anything that significantly affects your life and you have to make changes, either small or large, consider it an opportunity. Stop and listen to yourself. Listen to your body, your mind, your emotions. We do not normally do this and it is important. Take the time to learn about and understand who you are and then make the changes you need for yourself.

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As always, thank you for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.

Calm – It’s A Skill We Should All Strive For – 8 Steps To Take

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Blindsided! Assaulted! Worry! Unease! Overwhelmed! Are these familiar feelings?

Like an explosion. You feel it surge over you. A negative response to a multitude of possible happenings.

You feel blindsided. Time to calm down, relax, breathe.

How do you calm down, not just right now but in the future? What can we do to quickly alleviate a stressful reaction and automatically calm ourselves?

Being calm appears to be easier for some of us then others. I would place myself in that category most of the time. There are times though when everyone has a demanding, stressful experience and it is overwhelming.

Some of us are easily thrown by everyday life experiences and find it difficult to calm ourselves. When you find yourself not being able to cope it can feel like your thoughts are bouncing off the walls. It is difficult to bring yourself out of that feeling. It feels almost like you are vibrating and you feel scattered.

So how do you learn to be calm? With any change, it is not automatic. We are training ourselves, learning something new and there is a process. We are learning small things that we can do and make into habits and part of our everyday life.

Smile, breathe and go slowly”

Thich Nhat Hanh

• Is there an image, a quote, a book that makes you feel good? Perhaps a memory that you think of often that makes you happy or gives you a feeling of contentment. Use that. Whenever you start feeling a surge of distress think of that one thing that calms you.

• Try yoga or meditation. I love yoga, it is very relaxing and is good for you physically and mentally. Both meditation and yoga are scientifically proven to reduce anxiety. Find a class near you and try it for a minimum of a month so you can feel the calming effect. Make it a habit. I think you will be glad you did.

• On the other side of that is someone who is a totally focused, high energy type. Okay, accept that is who you are and go for it. Work hard, play hard so at the end of the day you are tired and feel happy. You have achieved you own form of bliss. I would encourage you that at either the beginning or end of that all out day you learn to practice something calming. We all need to calm down at some point. It’s good for us.

• The wonderful experience of music. So many wonderful songs and types of music to choose from. Everyone should be able to find a list of songs to listen to. Let the sound surround you and sink into it. Let you mind go to relax and find calm.

• Revisit a old hobby that you loved to do and lose yourself in it or try something new. Everyone has something they love to do but may not take the time to do anymore. I love working on a piece of old furniture and restoring it, bringing it back to life. I love art and would like to try some sketching. Lose yourself in the act of doing. Your mind and body will relax and stress will melt away.

• Slow down. I know that is easy to say but it is a good practice and it is calming. When you find yourself rushing, slow your pace. Take a deep breathe and think of something soothing. Hum one of your favorite songs.

• My favorite. Go outside. Take a walk by yourself and let you mind go, relax. If you have a dog, take them for a walk and have a conversation. It’s great because they are not judgmental and offer comfort and affection.

• Rethink decisions. Why did you choose to do something? Why do you maintain a friendship that drains you and causes anxiety? Move away from activities and relationships that bring you down. Find a new friend. Find new activities that are beneficial for you and your family.

Take a deep breath, get present in the moment and ask yourself what is important this very second.

Greg McKeown

Be mindful of where you are, how you feel and what is truly important to you.

Smile, relax, breathe. Life is wonderful and full of possibilities. Do something you love each and every day. Stay connected to the things you enjoy and calm you.

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As always, thank you for reading my blog. Have a peaceful day.